Tantrums:

Avoiding toddler tantrums on family trips (or anytime)

Let's face it, travel can be a strain on little kids.

They start out over-excited about an airplane trip -- and then find that flying to Hawaii is about as much fun as driving to preschool for seven hours. Even once you're somewhere wonderful, frustration can hit: not being able to have every single new thing s/he sees, not being able to do every single fun thing right now...

Over-tired, over-stimulated... Suddenly, you've got a howling little kid and a full-blown tantrum, for all the world to see.

So, what can parents do to minimize the toddler tantrum risk?

Tips for Toddler Tantrums

1. Bring along a good Bag of Tricks
Always bring more snacks and amusements than you think you'll need. Here are some suggestions:

• What to put into the bottomless bag of amusements for long trips

2. Be a Mood Manager
The old saying "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" is apt for tantrums: it's far, far better, to spend five minutes reading a story, or looking for a lost Smartie, than fifteen minutes dealing with a child so frustrated she loses self-control.

First point about moods: Make sure your child's physical needs are met before they become a crisis. Offer a snack or drink long before he's desperate.

Also: Try to manage expectations. If there's a danger of disappointment ahead, prepare your child: "We'll be seeing lots of toys, but we can't buy one today"; or, "you might be too little for some of the rides".

3. Watch for tell-tale early signs of frazzled-ness
Now's the time for a distraction, a treat, a change in pace. When you see frustration start to mount: point out a funny hat, or a cloud that looks like your cat; try a funny voice or accent...

And If you feel yourself getting angry...

4. Try to sidestep, instead of locking horns.

• try reflecting what the child is feeling ("You feel really bad because that Smartie got lost!")
• acknowledge the frustration ("It's so hard to lose a Smartie!")
• try solving with fantasy ("what if we had a million Smarties"?)

(Read books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish! such as: Siblings Without Rivalry -- great tips!)

5. Understand Your Child
Some kids are easier travelers than others: they can adapt to change readily, go with the flow... For others, the reverse is true. An excellent book called The Difficult Child emphasizes nine temperamental traits, including:

-intensity;
-adaptability: does the child deal well with transitions?
-sensory threshold. Some children, for example, are really, really bothered by tiny sensations-- like the feeling of the seams in his socks! The parent tends to say: "that can't possibly bother you!" But: it does.

If a Tantrum Erupts...

The Difficult Child distinguishes between manipulative tantrums, and tantrums that are a genuine loss of self-control. If the tantrum is manipulative-- the child howls in order to get what he/she wants-- sooner or later you must make clear that this tactic won't work.

On a trip, however, the tantrum may be a real loss of self-control brought on by overtiredness, over-stimulation, too much strangeness...

The task is to help the child regain self-control.

• stay physically present, holding the child if he'll permit it.
• be calm and reassuring. "I know you're upset, but it will be okay."
• Don't get into big discussions about what's the matter. Distract if you can.
• And correct the situation, if possible. (For example, if the child really can't stand the way his jacket feels-- let him take it off.)

Sometimes, unpleasant as it is, all you can do is wait for the bad moment to pass. And though you may feel embarrassed by a tantrum in public: the world will not end. Move on to making good memories.